there once was

i know that i probably shouldn't be saying this but it hurts to listen to mayday parade alone because i miss that, and you, and you, and you

i cannot sound coherent now because if i do then you'll see my heart in its saddest, most deformed stage than it's ever been before

down one for all the hopes and cares
here's too for being unaware that you're gone because
before too long you'll be a memory

but at least i can now safely say that i'm not homesick for a moment that didn't exist, that i don't ache for the ones that were only ever created in my head.


please understand that i cannot leave
at least not for now
because you will forget and
i will forget too and
even the idea of it hurts me.
it feels like cold, sharp steel
drawn across my veins so that
blood rushes out of me through that escape
before i become weak with lifelessness
and pain


'someday we'll only live on within memories' — my primary school friends are always the best at putting feelings to language