Went to bed last night feeling flustered, at last, about (chem) promos, and woke up multiple times throughout the night with a gruelling worry sleeping heavy right in the middle of my chest. 3am, 5am, 6am, 7am, 730am – I could only feel as small as a prisoner trapped within four screaming walls: two yelling at me the frugality of the remnants of time and the other two summoning me to the mortifying amount of content left to be covered. The last time I checked, I wasn't even this apprehensive for the past national exams that I had sat for. Also, in relation to having revisited relatively older songs this week, this is quite how I've been feeling of late:
If I am lost for a day try to find me
But if I don't come back then I won't look behind me
And all of the things that I thought were so easy
Just got harder and harder each day
.
.
.
... stay alive
I dreamed I was dying as I so often do
And when I awoke I was sure it was true
I ran to the window threw my head to the sky
And said whoever is up there please don't let me die
But I can't live forever I can't always be
One day I'll be sand on a beach by the sea
The pages keep turning, I mark off each day with a cross
And I'll laugh about all that we've lost
.
.
... stay alive
... stay alive
January, February, March, April, May I'm alive
June, July, August, September, October I'm alive
November, December and all through the winter I'm alive
It has been almost a year since then
I'm alive
Nevertheless, this week has been less stale. From talking Nat into walking out of school to study with Jessie and I on Tuesday (which is also the day that my class had a record-breaking attendance of 8/26), to camping outside of Chinese class for 30 minutes yesterday and today, and even to skipping math lecture to get food and getting caught eventually *gags*. Sleep/study over tomorrow again with the usual friday night mates, I'm anticipating.
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