Down with stomach flu the past three days and you came over with lunch/dinner/ginger tea/isotonic water/yakult everyday. I think I slept two-thirds of the time but each time I woke up, I would find you sitting beside me, alternating between watching me sleep and watching parks & recreation. 'You need anything?' I would shake my head. 'Okay don't worry I'm still here I'm not going anywhere. Go to sleep.' I slept so well.
Yesterday I finally got a lot better and we spent the entire day on the couch watching friends just like we had always wanted to. You make my heart so happy, full, warm and bright even when I could be sick and miserable. I told you so, all my best days are with you.
But I am getting tired. Not of you, no, no, no – I don't think I can ever tire of you, but I am getting tired with how things are. This doesn't feel entirely right. No, not you again, no, no, no, no, no – you are so good for me; you are all my dreams coming to pass in a single being. Maybe it's just the way we do it all. I like you very much, but I want to love my Jesus more. I want you to love me, but I want you to love our Jesus way, way, way more. You could be the smartest, you could be the most gentlemanly person I've ever met, you could have many accolades to call yours, you could be the very best and so much more (which you already are to me), but it doesn't matter. The only thing that truly, truly, truly matters to me, in loving me, must be that you love our Jesus.
I know it isn't the easiest, for you and for me. But I also know that I don't want to do this any other way, and I hope you truly wouldn't want to do this any other way either, because it is much better with Him.
No comments:
Post a Comment