there once was

graduation day has finally come, and gone, and this thing i'm feeling is no longer some sort of preconceived nostalgia. half a year back, i would be absolutely ecstatic to know that i've finally graduated but now i feel terribly afraid. i don't feel afraid primarily because graduation means that a levels is approaching and i don't feel prepared. i feel thoroughly afraid mostly for what is to come after i am done with a levels. after illumi run, after denise's birthday, after my own little prom with the very lovely class, after myanmar, after japan, what is there left for me? i fear feeling lost and i fear living for wasted moments. i fear losing all the friends i've made in jc, i fear a strain in our friendships, i fear feeling alone. i fear falling into a routine, i fear having no structure to abide by. i fear feeling pointless and i fear feeling one-dimensional and apathetic. i don't want change. can we for once go back to january again? i promise to savour every waking moment of 2014 and especially those spent within the not-so-hallowed walls of my school. what is worse than change itself is when it arrives as soon as you've finally started getting comfortable.

sigh, nevertheless thank you for giving me the best (and sometimes also the worst) two years of my life which i would never trade anything else for