there once was

finally decided to have my ‘testimony’ completed and sent to dan last night. maybe i am too sentimental a person but i feel a little ‘lost’ (for the lack of a better adjective) now. i started off the entire document stating that it was one of victory, and so i think that more than writing about yet another episode of my life, i was writing an epilogue to that season. perhaps by actually writing it out and writing it in a victorious tone, i was declaring triumph over the entire ‘situation’; i was declaring an end to it all. and maybe this is why i feel slightly ‘lost’ now—it is never an easy feat to pry yourself away from something you’ve become so comfortable with; so accustomed to. it sounds preposterous that anyone could ever feel comfortable with living with dolefulness but i guess anything, given ample time, can eventually become something familiar, and anything familiar becomes comfortable. five months back i wrote this:



and it is probably something i can still identify with but comfortable isn’t necessarily good, and that is why i’ll try to let them all go. also, lot’s wife became a pillar of salt because she turned back when she wasn’t supposed to. i have to remember that from this point on i only need Christ to feel alive

zr also shared this song in cell yesterday and i thought it was quite an apt song for a probable new season ahead



awaken my soul, come awake
to hunger, to seek, to thirst
awaken first love, come awake
and do as you did at first

spirit of the living God come fall afresh on me
come wake me from my sleep
blow through the caverns of my soul
pour in me to overflow
to overflow

spirit come and fill this place
let your glory now invade