there once was

Clueless as to why I can hardly find time to physically pen my days down, so here goes an illustration with a bleak command of the language. This week has been one heck of a crazy ride, dopamine levels going crazy from rushing out WR till 2am at Jessie's on Sunday night, to printing our WR only on the morning of the submission day, sleeping over on a school night (+ listening to good music before going to bed), to receiving promo results today (and yesterday, if you would add). These days have been full of emotions. A cohort raw, vulnerable; some crushed, some relieved.

I remember having to control myself from shaking the moment I came back from lunch with Jess and Sp to collect our lit paper. As our lit teacher talked, I started fearing the possibility that I'd risk not getting at least 35%, then feared that I wouldn't have a single H1 pass. Comfort was more than realising a fortunate E I had barely scraped. Comfort was having One Thing Remains (we ended up concluding that this indefinitely is the theme song of our season) replaying, over and over again, in my head, reminding me that something greater has everything in control. Getting back subsequent papers was equally emotional – vividly remember Jessie saying 'oh my gosh, God's grace really' before fitting her face in her palms, seemingly in much relieve. Also remember quietly telling myself to give thanks, because really, how much would be good enough? The grades/marks on my paper would never be enough for me, I'd always want more, I'd always want to do better. But I have to remember that Christ alone is enough for me. I honestly don't think how much more I can be grateful and proud of Jess. And then there is also Denisenljy who did pretty exceptional. But I fear to come to terms with the prospect of a close classmate retaining. Before today, the idea of retaining seemed so distant, so surreal, but it has finally hit me today, sharp like a merciless tidal wave. Does it mean goodbye? What happens then? Why? Why [our certain close classmate]? It has been a tiring two-days, but it has been a good time constantly reminding ourselves that His love conquers all, His love is the one thing that remains, and that from Him are all things, and to Him are all things.

On and on and on it goes

For it overwhelms and satisfies my soul

And I'll never ever have to be afraid

Cuz there's one thing that remains

Your love never fails

It never gives up

It never runs out on me

Your love never fails
It never gives up
It never runs out on me


What else can I do but to thank You for Your faithfulness, grace and love. Now I can only pray for [our certain close classmate] to witness all that too.

I don't exactly know what to say or do, but please be fine. Please be better than fine. I cannot be more thankful than to have spent the past few weeks with DDJ