what exactly is 'being free', what are we looking for when we say we want to 'be free'
maybe we don't really want to be free, maybe wanting to be free is just a human illusion
or maybe we just want to feel comfortable and familiar, maybe everything is a measure of how comfortable we are, as justina had told me. maybe we want to hold onto pain & lie in grief because that is all we have left, that is the furthest a memory can take us to, & maybe we find it better to hold on to pain. after all, they say that something is better than nothing. we find it comfortable this way, & so maybe this is freedom in itself
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